Journals79
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Changing Times
1 min read
It weirds me out whenever I come on here and see that old journal entry. It's like a strange time capsule from a time that is alien and far-removed.
Lots of things have changed. I don't write anymore, and I don't want to write. I don't draw anymore, either. I'm going to SDSU as a History major, with an interest in teaching. The girl I was head over heels for broke up with me around Christmas. I had really horrific panic attacks last August/September and my chronic insomnia got much, much worse. I started therapy for a deep depression I've had for years but never admitted to myself or anyone else; that's gone well. The anxiety and depression are much reduced, though the insomnia persists.
Life has changed, and so have I.
If anyone follows me on here, then I'm sorry for not posting much. It probably will stay scarce. My creativity is pretty much gone, but I'm a happier human being now.
You can find me at on Tumblr; my blog is atamajakki. I'm very active there.
Lots of things have changed. I don't write anymore, and I don't want to write. I don't draw anymore, either. I'm going to SDSU as a History major, with an interest in teaching. The girl I was head over heels for broke up with me around Christmas. I had really horrific panic attacks last August/September and my chronic insomnia got much, much worse. I started therapy for a deep depression I've had for years but never admitted to myself or anyone else; that's gone well. The anxiety and depression are much reduced, though the insomnia persists.
Life has changed, and so have I.
If anyone follows me on here, then I'm sorry for not posting much. It probably will stay scarce. My creativity is pretty much gone, but I'm a happier human being now.
You can find me at on Tumblr; my blog is atamajakki. I'm very active there.
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End of Summer
3 min read
Whelp, school's back in.
I never wrote Dead Noir beyond a few early pages that I really hated. The concept just lost all appeal to me very quickly, which I'll confess made me rather sad. It had potential, I just lacked the skill for it.
Those few little cyberpunk vignettes (listed on my HD as 'cybershit,' cybershit 2 the return of shit,' and 'cybershit 3 the shittening,') are as far as that story got. I do quite like Clif, but the entire concept basically just felt like I was trying and failing to emulate William Gibson's early work.
This was supposed to be the summer where I wrote a ton and got super fit. I'd promised myself a page a night of fiction, and to learn some martial arts or parkour from a friend. Neither of those happened.
My love of writing has kind of tanked. I haven't put out anything I've been happy with in months, and really lack any motivation to try harder. When I try to imagine my ideal future (sitting at a computer in the wee hours of the morning, writing up an early draft of something great in my chic San Francisco studio apartment) I don't feel anything anymore. It doesn't sound like fun. I've forgotten what I want to do with myself, I guess.
My insomnia skyrocketed into the horrific range during the break and I've been suffering rather intense anxiety attacks, something new to me. I'm quite frankly terrified of this last year at school and of the college that awaits beyond. I'm not eating nearly enough and I wake up nauseous every day (it doesn't go away). I wasted my summer and I'll admit to not being my own biggest fan right now.
I still check this account every day, but if I don't have any content to post then I doubt I'll see anyone eager to chat it up with me. My tumblr (atamajakki.tumblr.com) is updated very frequently, and I quite enjoy the way that site works. dA kind of represents a past that I've left behind. Don't expect much from me in the coming months, nonexistant followers. If you are out there and you read this, then thank you. Typing it has been very cathartic.
The tiny positive shit in my life list: new clothes, new haircut, started therapy, begun taking melatonin before bed with little success, braces off, girlfriend is still wonderful (we hit our 1 year mark somewhere back there), and I'm back to wearing glasses.
I never wrote Dead Noir beyond a few early pages that I really hated. The concept just lost all appeal to me very quickly, which I'll confess made me rather sad. It had potential, I just lacked the skill for it.
Those few little cyberpunk vignettes (listed on my HD as 'cybershit,' cybershit 2 the return of shit,' and 'cybershit 3 the shittening,') are as far as that story got. I do quite like Clif, but the entire concept basically just felt like I was trying and failing to emulate William Gibson's early work.
This was supposed to be the summer where I wrote a ton and got super fit. I'd promised myself a page a night of fiction, and to learn some martial arts or parkour from a friend. Neither of those happened.
My love of writing has kind of tanked. I haven't put out anything I've been happy with in months, and really lack any motivation to try harder. When I try to imagine my ideal future (sitting at a computer in the wee hours of the morning, writing up an early draft of something great in my chic San Francisco studio apartment) I don't feel anything anymore. It doesn't sound like fun. I've forgotten what I want to do with myself, I guess.
My insomnia skyrocketed into the horrific range during the break and I've been suffering rather intense anxiety attacks, something new to me. I'm quite frankly terrified of this last year at school and of the college that awaits beyond. I'm not eating nearly enough and I wake up nauseous every day (it doesn't go away). I wasted my summer and I'll admit to not being my own biggest fan right now.
I still check this account every day, but if I don't have any content to post then I doubt I'll see anyone eager to chat it up with me. My tumblr (atamajakki.tumblr.com) is updated very frequently, and I quite enjoy the way that site works. dA kind of represents a past that I've left behind. Don't expect much from me in the coming months, nonexistant followers. If you are out there and you read this, then thank you. Typing it has been very cathartic.
The tiny positive shit in my life list: new clothes, new haircut, started therapy, begun taking melatonin before bed with little success, braces off, girlfriend is still wonderful (we hit our 1 year mark somewhere back there), and I'm back to wearing glasses.
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New Writing Project
2 min read
Happy Summer!
I haven't posted jack shit in forever for a multitude of reasons; school eating all of my time, very little inspiration, and the death of my skill with any visual medium are all major culprits.
However, I'm very excited to keep writing! My current big idea is about a pair of supernatural individuals in 1940s USA. Rick Mendez is a mobster who gets shot in the back by a former friend, and then makes a deal with something unpleasant and undead to come back to life with a few extra perks. Jack Rosenburg is an Army man, sent home early due to a nasty leg wound, with the ability to see ghosts and some slight magical powers. The two have very differing policies - Mendez has become a PI, and couldn't care less about the suffering of the dead, while Rosenburg is a drifter who pours his all into helping those who cannot pass on to the detriment of his dealings with the living - but both will have to cope with the horrors of war.
The major theme is of man's inability to stop human suffering (what can you do in the face of all the pain and fear generated by the camps, or the bombings in Japan, or even the more common fighting) but will have a somewhat optimistic message of human development and understanding of others. The setting jumps between the leads in the late 40s, their previous work during wartime (Rick with the gangs, Jack dealing with horrible things in Europe), and the Underworld.
Provided I don't lose the inspiration for this, I think I can get a great short story out of it. Maybe even more!
Until next time,
~Plushy
I haven't posted jack shit in forever for a multitude of reasons; school eating all of my time, very little inspiration, and the death of my skill with any visual medium are all major culprits.
However, I'm very excited to keep writing! My current big idea is about a pair of supernatural individuals in 1940s USA. Rick Mendez is a mobster who gets shot in the back by a former friend, and then makes a deal with something unpleasant and undead to come back to life with a few extra perks. Jack Rosenburg is an Army man, sent home early due to a nasty leg wound, with the ability to see ghosts and some slight magical powers. The two have very differing policies - Mendez has become a PI, and couldn't care less about the suffering of the dead, while Rosenburg is a drifter who pours his all into helping those who cannot pass on to the detriment of his dealings with the living - but both will have to cope with the horrors of war.
The major theme is of man's inability to stop human suffering (what can you do in the face of all the pain and fear generated by the camps, or the bombings in Japan, or even the more common fighting) but will have a somewhat optimistic message of human development and understanding of others. The setting jumps between the leads in the late 40s, their previous work during wartime (Rick with the gangs, Jack dealing with horrible things in Europe), and the Underworld.
Provided I don't lose the inspiration for this, I think I can get a great short story out of it. Maybe even more!
Until next time,
~Plushy
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Mass Effect 3 Writing
1 min read
I don't have ME3 yet, but god damn does it look good. Probably put 40 hours into ME and around 30 into ME2.
Can't wait to get my grubby paws on it - it seems to be wonderful. But there are so many plot fuck-ups that are driving me insane; the little kid recurring in the nightmares, the motivation of the Reapers, the endings. Good Lord, those endings.
So I guess this is asking if I should take a whack at some Mass Effect fanfiction/alternate ideas? Would be for my femShep ( Colonist, romanced Garrus, nuked Ashley, got entire squad out of Suicide Mission) but be fairly neutral.
Can't wait to get my grubby paws on it - it seems to be wonderful. But there are so many plot fuck-ups that are driving me insane; the little kid recurring in the nightmares, the motivation of the Reapers, the endings. Good Lord, those endings.
So I guess this is asking if I should take a whack at some Mass Effect fanfiction/alternate ideas? Would be for my femShep ( Colonist, romanced Garrus, nuked Ashley, got entire squad out of Suicide Mission) but be fairly neutral.
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Exciting shit
1 min read
Been a big week!
Dad's wife had a babby last Thursday; his name is Jack, he's an Aquarius, and he's pleasantly plump. I'm not a baby person, and I'm afraid we won't be too close (it's quite an age difference) but I'm determined to be the awesome older Bro that embarrasses him and gives him violent games before he should have them.
Also momentous is my girlfriend and I being together for six months last Friday, which is significantly less important than the babby but still very meaningful to me. She's still lovely, we're still madly in love, and I'm still wondering what I did right.
I like writing these journals, but having nobody read them kind of bites. Perhaps one day I'll have stunning popularity and my fans will marvel at the novelty of these. Some day!
Dad's wife had a babby last Thursday; his name is Jack, he's an Aquarius, and he's pleasantly plump. I'm not a baby person, and I'm afraid we won't be too close (it's quite an age difference) but I'm determined to be the awesome older Bro that embarrasses him and gives him violent games before he should have them.
Also momentous is my girlfriend and I being together for six months last Friday, which is significantly less important than the babby but still very meaningful to me. She's still lovely, we're still madly in love, and I'm still wondering what I did right.
I like writing these journals, but having nobody read them kind of bites. Perhaps one day I'll have stunning popularity and my fans will marvel at the novelty of these. Some day!
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